Fears New and Old

Yesterday I was outside and a helicopter flew over. We get that a lot here as it’s a touristy area and people take helicopter rides to view the mountains. I got to thinking about how much I wanted to ride in one, back when I was younger and how that has changed in the last few years.

I’ve noticed for some unknown reason that while not “afraid” of heights, I’ve become more unnerved by them. When I was a kid I always looked forward to getting to the top of the Eiffel Tower at King’s Island in Cincinnati, OH. I’d go to the edge and look down and out enjoying the view. Now though, not so much. Last time I was at King’s Island I went to the top of the Eiffel Tower and could barely manage to get away from the elevator. I could feel every little sway. Yet, on that same trip I rode every roller coaster I could without an issue. Ever since my first beach trip, I always liked getting a room as high up as I could. After getting everything squared away in the room, I’d head out to the balcony and stand at the railing and look out. Now, I stay closer to the sliding doors. I still get on the balcony, but my railing days are over. So, somewhere along the line, I’ve gotten a “fear” or discomfort of heights that I never had before.

That new fear got me to thinking about other fears, particularly my putting myself out there, by opening up to other people and meeting new people. I’ve always been a shy guy, and the thought of meeting new people never went well with me. I have a close circle of friends who know more about me than I’m sometimes comfortable with, but I deal with that. But, the thought of being in a position to meet new people, well frankly scares me.

That was one reason it was so hard to start this blog. I’ve had this blog name since May of last year. Thinking about doing just what I started doing back in January, opening up and meeting new people so to speak. I just couldn’t do it. I figured I’d have nothing worth saying that anyone else would want to hear. In an effort to get the ball rolling, I got with some friends and we started going this together elsewhere. That made it easier since I was among friends, who were doing the same thing. Here, I’m all alone with my thoughts and feelings. Always wondering if I should be writing about what I’m writing about. Always that little twinge of fear as I click on the publish button.

It’s getting easier though. I know my fears are not just my own. As I go through and read other blogs, I know others have that same trepidation I do as I hit publish. Will others like this? Should I have put my deep dark thoughts out there for others to read? I can picture other writers sitting there getting ready to push the button thinking those thoughts. Then, pushing through that fear hitting the button and giving the world a glimpse into their lives.

It’s one of the reasons I’ve come to enjoy this. Knowing that we are not all that different. I’ve come to find that we all have something worth sharing with the world, even a shy guy like myself. So, I’m just going to continue to hit that publish button as often as I can.

 

Originally published February 27, 2013